Robert Bellows, Civilian Artist and Denny Sedlack, Combat Veteran.
Reflections On Veteran Suicide
from Robert
Is life worth living? That’s a question that keeps finding its way into our conversations as we pour our thoughts into the steel tissue of our sculptures. As Denny was writing his “Reflections on Suicide” from a veterans point of view, I was grappling with a similar question from a civilians point of view.
After a particularly challenging day I spoke these words straight into my phone. The next day I read it to Denny.
“You gotta put this out there,” he said. “Its part of our conversation.”
So here are those words, raw and unedited:
Once again it’s important to say what the Warrior StoryField is and what it is not.
We are not focused on fixing healing or changing anyone.
We are focused on being a community of art.
The Warrior StoryField is an art project that thrives within the mystery of personal expression.
It’s a large art project that requires continuing collaboration, community, and connection. So let’s talk about community.
That’s not some airy fairy word. It’s just this. We gather together over and over with the purpose of creating a common expression. That’s it.
As a community of strong individuals. We have our struggles. We dream together. We fight. We wonder. There are moments when we want to take the others knees out. There are moments when we simply want to give the other a hug. Our community is a real community. It’s beautiful, it’s ugly, but we are committed to each other. We are committed to build our collaborative art. We are committed to expressing the unspoken and those unspeakables that rule our lives. We are pursuing the expression of mystery through art.
On Suicide
There’s a lot of talk about out here about preventing suicide. But our conversations around that subject remain fluid. We’re not looking for an answer. We’re asking these questions:
What are we missing?
What don’t we understand?
So, we talk of expressing the emotional iceberg that lives under suicide. Simply said, as a team, we’re exploring the idea that venting the inclination toward suicide before it gets too severe might be far better than preventing suicide. That’s a subtle difference perhaps. But venting is not about fixing healing or changing, it leaves our choice in place. So each of us can tell our own story, in our own way and on our own time. We are exploring the idea, right or wrong, that the pursuit of expression at the Warrior StoryField has a far greater appeal than the pursuit of healing.
Our question? How do we give the impulse towards suicide a voice of honor as opposed to hiding it in an undertow of shame.
Our personal war machine requires battle readiness. Our personal blame machine requires battle readiness. Both require a sense of invincibility. Both require projection of power.
In this scenario, there is no room for the subtlety of questioning ourselves. There is no room to say I’m messed up. I’m not invincible. I’m hurting. I’m unable to focus. How do we give room to this expression?
How can we make this expression honorable, life affirming, and beautiful. How do we make this expression and expression of awe.
No, we are not looking for an answer to this question. We are hoping to create a piece of art that merely touches it. And, what if we succeed in that? What if all our work results in merely touching the question? Is Life Worth Living?
That is the essence of art.
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Here’s a link to a conversation between 5 of the Warrior StoryField team members about their experience of the question: is life worth living?